


dust off the demons inside

by pinkthyme



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M, Teen and up for swearing and mature themes, alternate title: Grizz cracks it and tells a few people to fuck off, classic parentified child syndrome, he is a 'fixer', just two sore bois helping each other heal and grow yaknow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-13 00:11:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19239898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkthyme/pseuds/pinkthyme
Summary: Parentification (defined) is the process of role reversal whereby a child is obliged to act as parent to their own parent or sibling. In extreme cases, the child is used to fill the void of the alienating parent's emotional life.ORGrizz is the most capable of their friends, without a doubt, and he likes to fix things. It wasn't until senior year when people started to take advantage of that.





	1. The Provider

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, This is my first published work on this account so, please be gentle with me! This piece was inspired by some work I was doing recently around healthy friendship boundaries and the concept of 'service based relationships'. Ergo, Grizz is a fixer and has based the majority of his self worth on providing for other people, but that trait is quickly taken advantage of. This was originally a one-shot but I've decided to make it multi-chaptered so, enjoy! (Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters and I am not part of the deaf community so, I apologise for any mistakes)

Grizz was a provider; had been his whole life. His Aunt liked to joke that it came from his boy scout days - she said that he took ‘being prepared’ very seriously.

Well, he was prepared alright, and everyone knew it.

If you needed a jumper cable? Grizz had two sets in the boot of his car.

Didn’t do the reading for English class again? He’d already uploaded his summary notes to his google drive.

Broke down two miles outside of West Ham? Easy, he’d come pick you up.

For a long time, he loved it. He thrived on those smiles and those ‘thankyou’s; that gratitude every time he’d helped someone out of a bind. His parents were verging on catatonically self-medicated so, he knew what it was like to be left behind. He didn’t want anyone else he cared about feeling that way.

It wasn’t until senior year when all of it started to warp, when people started to take advantage of it.

It started out with Jason getting a lift home with him everyday; they only lived a few blocks apart so, it was never a problem. He’d end up spending the majority of the drive explaining Jason’s homework to him - and, in most cases, ‘explaining’ actually meant ‘dictating’.

Then Gwen started asking for a lift as well. Her mum’s work was around the corner from Jason’s house and so, it only seemed practical. But it only kept building - after a few weeks, upwards of four people would be crammed into the back of his car and he would drop them off, one-by-one. Luke would plug into the AUX cord, they’d roll the windows down and he’d spend the next hour making sure everyone got home safe. Then people would stop asking and they’d follow him to is car after last period, or wait for him after football practice.

He had messaged the group chat (aptly named 'The Grizz-mobile') and asked if anyone could swing him a little bit of gas money - everyone but Luke had left him on ‘seen’.

So, when he found eight people waiting by his car that afternoon, he wasn’t in the best mood.

“Hey, what’s going on guys?” He asked, hands shoved deep into the pockets as he waded through the small crowd. He opened the front door to toss his bag inside, “None of you asked for a lift today, I thought you were all busy.” He stated simply, closing the door behind him as he turned to the waiting faces. "I'm busy this afternoon, I can't take you."

Jason was the first to react, “Dude, what the hell? You know we have to stay late for practice. You always drive us.”

“Yeah I know, dude. But you could’ve asked,” Grizz said, arching a brow, “Yeah? Checked up with me to see if I was cool with it?”

Gwen chuckled, though the sound held no humour in it. She really could be a bitch when she wanted to be. “So what, are we meant to just all walk home?” She demanded. Clark’s eyes darkened as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

Grizz sighed, gesturing to his friends as they surrounded him, “Guys, I’m happy to drive you when I can but I’m not a taxi. I got shit to do.” Places to be, parents to parent; going home to a partially destroyed household and two unconscious adults was never enjoyable but, today it sounded easier than having to explain the concept of ‘boundaries’ to his teammates.

“Not to mention, there’s eight of you.” He stated simply before gesturing at his car, “I wouldn’t have been able to take you all anyway, I’m not getting pulled over because you guys all brought dates.”

A girl at Jason’s side, who Grizz barely recognised (they might have taken the same history class last year?) sighed dramatically, turning away from him and Jason mouthed ‘please’.

Grizz shrugged and Clark finally spoke up, “Dude, I just need to be dropped off on the main road, we aren’t asking for much m-”

“No dude, you didn’t ask at all. You assumed.” Fire began to spark in his chest, the words the left his lips were sharper than intended. “You waited for me by my fucking car, and assumed that I’d drive you wherever the hell you want.” Grizz stated plainly.

Clark continued to stare at him; his brow creased in confusion before finally speaking, “Dude, we didn’t mean-”

“Yeah, you also didn’t mean to ignore my message earlier when I asked for gas money either.” Clark paled at that. “I’ve already got two fucking children at home, I don’t need this from you guys too.” He sighed, looking to Jason in the hopes that they’d understand. It was hard for them to empathise, he knew that. They had normal family lives - stable parents, comfortable finances, Grizz’s situation was different. It was downright scary to most of them. But they didn’t move or speak, a few of them staring at him expectantly and he sighed, jerking the driver’s side door open.

“Forget about it,” Grizz huffed, grabbing his bag from the seat and dropping the keys on the concrete, “Drive yourselves home for all I care. I’ll walk.” His stepped through them, ignoring when Gwen reached out to grab his jacket - easily shrugging her off - as he headed for the edge of the care park.

“Grizz!” Jason called after him. He ducked his head, pulling his hood up as he stormed away. He grimaced, he might’ve been a little harsh but he didn’t care. He was furious that they couldn’t see it, see why he was upset. He glanced back at the small group clustered around the SUV and his brows knit together, a pain thudding behind his temples that he prayed was just a migraine; not tears.

He took a left, heading around the back of the school as he sped up. He fell into a quick jog as he tried to get further, and further away from them.

He’d already planned to run away - granted that plan wasn’t supposed to begin until the end of the year - but what if he just kept running? One foot in front of the other, he was sure he’d get somewhere, and anywhere seemed better than surrounded by people with constantly outstretched hands.

Soon, his lungs began to ache. His breath was rough in the back of his throat as it heaved from his chest and he could taste the salt of his tears as they snuck down his cheeks. But he kept moving - he ran past the football field and the bleachers, straight past the bike racks and around the back of the science buildings. He knew that eventually, he’d have to stop. He’d have to drag himself to the main road and start walking, but for now he didn’t give a shit.

“Fuck.” He grunted, pulling his arms tight against his chest as his feet slowed, thudding against the pavement before his body crumpled in on itself, tightening into a ball on the ground. He sat, rocking in the middle of the teachers carpark as he pressed his palms into his eye sockets, trying to numb the painful tears.

He breathed; at least, he tried to. He hated it, he hated it so much. He felt like his car and his work and his body and his _whole fucking life_ belonged to other people. It’s like he meant nothing to them if he wasn’t useful; Wasn't driving them around and helping them pass their tests, or cleaning up the broken dinner plates and beer bottles. Every time he gave an inch, they yanked a mile from beneath his feet.

Slowly, his breath began to slow down. His chest stopped aching with every shaky expansion of his ribs and the tears began to all but disappear. He almost laughed.

That anger. It had been so explosive, so sudden - he wondered if that was why people punched walls, or threw things.

He wondered if that’s why his parents were always yelling at each other. Maybe they just had to get it out, because if they didn’t they felt like they’d rip apart.

Then again, ‘getting it out’ often led to his father balling a fist in his shirt and threatening to put him down if he didn’t ‘man the fuck up’.

He sighed, his head falling to rest between his knees as the headache hit him like a steam train. Post-crying headaches were the worst and his mouth was so dry he felt as if he could drink the whole ocean.

“Um…”

His head snapped up as a voice met his ears, eyes landing on a boy from his class.

Sam Eliot stood frozen, statuesque in the middle of the car park, and in that moment Grizz knew that he had no other choice in life than to disappear. People would never be able to demand shit from him, and he’d never have to explain why the gorgeous Sam Eliot found him crying in a car park.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked, though they both had a clue of his answer.

Grizz rose, sniffling and wiping at his face, as if he could erase the puffy cheeks and the sweaty hair that gave him away. “Uh- yeah.” He muttered, busying himself with the dust on his jeans rather than meeting Sam’s eyes. “Yeah I’m good.”

“Sorry,” Sam said, taking a few tentative steps across the car park towards him, “I’m deaf. It’s hard for me to read….you know…” Sam pointed his own mouth before offering a soft smile. “I have to see you.”

_Fuck,_ Grizz knew that. “Sorry.” He returned, making sure his head was lifted this time and trying to pretend the flush to his cheeks was from running and not from the small knot of shame in his belly. “I’m just having a bit of a rough day, is all.” He sighed, shrugging his shoulders as his hands found their homes in the pockets of his jeans.

Sam nodded, “I get those.” He mirrored Grizz’s stance, hands in pockets and head slightly tilted, flashing a grin. “So, did you _also_ steal a teachers parking spot or…?” His voice trailed off, it’s slightly muffled tone was something Grizz had gotten used to in class, but he still tried to pay additional attention. The last thing he wanted to do was make more of a fool out of himself.

“You stole a teacher’s parking spot?” Grizz chuckled, though his voice was still a little wobbly. He sniffed, rubbing at his pinkened nose.

Sam shrugged, “I always tell them that the main parking lot is too stressful, but it’s mostly because this one is closest to the library.” His hands pull from his pockets and fold in the air in front of him, signing along with his words. Grizz had no idea what any of it meant but, he assumed it was habitual. He tried not to stare. “Plus, it’s hard to say ‘no’ to the deaf kid.” Sam chuckled, grin widening.

Grizz laughed, shaking his head. “Well, I applaud your corruption of the system. Sadly my car is in the other parking lot.” He paused, not sure how to explain his motives for running to the opposite end of the high school and abandoning his car. He tried to come up with something semi-believable. “It’s broken down so, I was hoping to catch someone on their way out.”

Sam hummed, a few locks of red hair falling over his eyes. Grizz’s eyes followed them like magnets. “Here I thought that you were the local emergency services around here, the way everybody treats you.” Sam arched his brow, his smile a promise of understanding that caused something in Grizz’s chest to jerk.

“I guess, we all get stuck sometimes.” Grizz chuckled, shrugging,

For a few lingering moments, they stood in silence. Sam’s face was drawn in a soft smile, eyes conducting a subtle study of him as he stood there. With every second that passed, the muscles in Grizz’s neck seemed to unwind. Like puppet strings, his shoulders slumped and his knees bent. His whole form sagged gently and finally, a small smile found it’s place at his lips, still distracted by the strawberry curl at the centre of the other boy’s head.

“You want a lift?” Sam asked, fingers deftly forming and transforming in front of him.

Grizz nodded, “Yeah, that’d be nice.”


	2. The Cleaner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of the positive response I received from The Provider, I've decided to make it multi-chaptered! Thanks so much guys! Trigger warnings for curse words, drinking and parental abuse. Sorry for any typos I've missed, i have no beta readers haha <3

Sam's car was nice, a lot nicer than the beat up piece of metal he'd abandoned in the car park. It was barely two years old, it still had that 'new car' smell, and it was kitted out with equipment that Grizz had never seen before. He was like a child in a toy story; he had to fold his hands to resist poking all the buttons.

 

"You can drive?" Grizz asked, but Sam was busy checking the mirrors - Grizz noted he had a few extra than normal. He reached out, tapping the redhead's shoulder. Sam looked to him, expectant.

 

"Is driving hard for you?" Grizz asked, gesturing to the steering wheel. He had to resist the urge to wave his arms around and mime as he spoke; it seemed childish. He felt a little useless when he spoke to Sam, like he was only half-holding up the conversation. The last time they'd spoken, Grizz was so nervous that he'd barely choked out five words before running off. Sam only smiled.

 

"I mean, its different I think." He hummed, busying himself by switching on the car and getting it into gear, "i have sensors that tell me if anyone beeps at me or, if there is a siren nearby, things like that…" He explained, gesturing to a few additional symbols he had on his dashboard before looking back to Grizz. He gestured between their eyes, a cheeky grin tugging at his lips. "I just have to watch really closely."

 

Grizz chuckled, letting his gaze drop to his lap before looking out the window. They pulled out of the carpark and Sam gestured to his GPS. 

 

"Put in your address, its hard for me to follow directions when i have to look at the road." 

 

He did as he was told and the two of them fell into a comfortable silence. Sam's car almost drifted along, its didn't rev or jerk like Grizz's did - he imagined that if you looked beneath the hood everything would be glimmering and shiny. He turned to look at the boy as he drove. Sam's bright blue eyes were sharpened and focused, but his movements were calm and relaxed, no sense of anxiety or worry. He drove just like anyone else, and definitely better than Jason. 

 

Grizz smiled, turning his attention back out the window as their silence hummed between them. 

 

His breath began to fog up the window pane and he sat, one knee drawn under his chin, and drew his finger through the condensation. He drew little circles, overly conscious of the boy at his side. The sound of his breathing, the brush of his hands against the wheel, the rustle of his clothing as he checked his mirrors. 

 

_ He was in Sam Eliot's car _ .

 

How had his day taken this turn?

 

His cheeks were still puffy from tears and his headache persisted, but he was with Sam Eliot; the only out gay guy in the entire school, the one with amazing freckles and hands that looked like they were destined to compose music that he'd never hear himself. That Sam Eliot.

 

"Well, fuck me." Grizz muttered to himself, wiping his hand through his window art before starting again.

 

It wasn't as if Grizz was ashamed of who he was - there was nothing wrong with being gay, it was 2019, there were bigger things to worry about. Sadly, those bigger things seemed to take precedence in his life and he promised himself that once he'd left West Ham and moved to college, he'd come out. Be his true self. 

 

Sam hadn't waited though; Grizz remembered the day the whole school found out. It was the only gossip for the following six months but, it had died down by now. The only people who seemed to care were Sam's dickhead of a brother - who Grizz was, sadly, a little more acquainted with - and a few of his teammates who'd turn their backs in the change rooms. It was the small things like that, that had convinced him to wait. It just made things easier. 

 

But, he would have to see how long his resolve would last; when it came down to it, Jason could wreck his car for all he cared, but there was only so much of his parent's bullshit he could take. He glanced to the redhead at his side again, wondering what it must’ve been like for him. Was his family supportive?

 

He couldn’t imagine that Campbell made it easy. But what about his parents? We they cool with it? If he had a boyfriend, would they accept him? He seemed so happy all the time, surely they loved him no matter what.

 

Grizz dulled at that though, returning his attention to the window, only to deflate further as the distance between them and his house closed little by little.

 

Eventually, regrettably, the forest made way to the suburbs, which made way to his street and Sam pulled into Grizz's driveway. The car shut off and they looked to each other. 

 

"Thanks for the ride," Grizz smiled again and Sam gave a barely-there shrug.

 

"Not a problem." He signed along. 

 

"Here," Grizz pulled his phone from his back pocket and held it out to Sam, "I owe you. Put your number in and if you need anything, just text me."

 

Sam tilted his head, studying Grizz for a few moments before accepting the phone, quickly tapping his number in and saving it under 'Sam Eliot', as if Grizz would have trouble remembering. 

 

"Thanks, but it was really no problem." He insisted with a whiter-than-white smile.

 

Grizz waved it off, tapping his phone before speaking. "I’ll text you so you have my number, okay?" 

 

"Okay." Sam replied before Grizz opened the door and slid out, ducking low so Sam could see him, offering him a grateful smile,

 

"See you at school."

 

"Yeah, see you." Sam hummed, signing with one hand before the door closed and he pulled out of the driveway. 

 

Grizz was left standing in his driveway, thinking of those hands and clutching his phone.

 

-

 

When he walked through the front door, his foot crunched against broken porcelain.  _ Better than a doorbell _ , he thought helplessly. 

 

"Gareth, is that you?" A voice slurred from the kitchen. He considered walking straight past, going up to his room to lie in bed and mull over what to text Sam. But he didnt, he entered and found his father slouching in his arm chair, a bruise as black as night across his cheek - he was sure his mother would have something to match - before folding his arms over his chest.

 

"Yeah Dad, you and Mum throw a party while i was gone?"

 

The older man grimaced, grumbling something about a 'stupid bitch' and 'fucking plates'. 

 

"You gonna clean this up, or am I gonna have to do it again?" Grizz asked. His voice was steady, calm, but beneath it his rage boiled.

 

"Your mother will do it."

 

_ So, me then _ .

 

"Get me a beer."

 

"Get your own fucking beer, Dad."

 

He ducked out of the way, just in time for an empty beer can to miss his head. 

 

“You better have put gas in the car, fuckin’ free loader.” The older man grumbled. His eyes were bloodshot and the skin beneath his eyes hung low; he seemed half dead. 

 

“Jason’s borrowing it for the night, he's taking his girl out.” Grizz lied, turning from the kitchen and heading for the stairs.

 

“Good, he’s a good man, that one.” His father hummed, more to himself than to Grizz who was already climbing the stairs. When he reached his room his slid the bolt he’d screwed to the door frame firmly closed. It worked better than a lockable knob, without a doubt. He shrugged off his shirt - still sharp with sweat from his outburst earlier - and he lifted his phone. 

 

He noticed a message from Jason; it read simply,  **Sorry dude. I’ll check next time.**

 

He sent him the thumb emoji before collapsing on his bed. He shoved his headphones into his ears, blasting whatever he’d been listening too at lunch - Fleetwood Mac apparently. If Clark ever found out he was listening to this he’d be in real shit. 

 

Quickly, almost too quickly, he opened his contacts and found Sam’s number, wondering if it was too soon to text him. He stared at the number for a few moments before typing out a message:

 

**Hey, it’s Grizz.** He typed, pausing to wonder if he should say anything else. His pulse was creeping up until it had began to thud in his ears and he blew his hair from his eyes. He went to type something like ‘Thanks for the ride’ or ‘If you need anything, just gimme a call’ but they sounded too weird; in the end he just pressed ‘send’ and accepted his fate.

 

A few minutes passed and he got no response, which he tried not to over analyse, so instead of staring at his phone - he buried it underneath his pillow and moved to his desk. He had homework to do, and right now that sounded easier than waiting for Sam to text him back.

 

He was good at busying himself; almost as good as ignoring things, though it could be argued they were one and the same. 

 

Why did he even want Sam to text him? It wasn’t like he was interested in him? I mean, Sam was stunning and he often left Grizz at a loss for words, the few times they had spoken. He was nice; kind was a better word for it. Not a lot of people would drive a crying man home with no explanation, and allow him to keep his pride intact. But, he didn't know him. Not really.

 

He hated to think what his father would say, if he’d known he was in a car with Sam.

 

He hated to think what he’d do.

 

Things that Grizz was allowed to do: play football, get good grades, fuck girls, and get drunk. In other terms, follow in Dad’s footsteps.

 

Things that Grizz wanted to do: none of those things.

 

So he watered his desk plants, checked that the others around his room were doing okay before he turned up his headphones and pulled out his textbooks. 

 

It was close to eight o’clock when Jason dropped the car back around - Grizz heard the grind of the gears as he pulled into the driveway. Jason was arguably the worst stickshift driver he’d ever met, nevertheless, he’d returned the vehicle in one piece and they shared a wave through the window. Jason didn’t come in; his house wasn’t exactly a pleasant place to visit and Grizz reminded himself that it wasn’t his friend’s fault. He didn’t know what he’d do in his position. 

 

Long after his parents fell asleep; his father on the couch and his mother in their bed, he stumbled down stairs. Glancing at the bottle of scotch at his father’s side, noting it was three quarters emptier than when he’d gotten home, he set about cleaning the place.

 

With a garbage bag in hand, he collected the broken plates and beer cans that lay scattered, dumping them in the bin behind the house, before tackling the pile of dishes that must have been responsible for their fight. Considering he never ate at home, the two of them dirtied an extortionate amount of dishes. His gloved hands were elbow deep in hot, soapy water when he finally felt it:

 

His phone in his back pocket vibrated.

 

He paused. It could’ve been Jason, checking up on him, or Luke making sure he was going to practice tomorrow. Both of which could wait until later, but he pulled his gloves off, nonetheless. He left them on the counter before reaching for his phone. His eyes lit up.

 

**Wow,** **_the_ ** **Grizz? I feel so blessed. Hope you got your car sorted.**

 

He smiled, glancing at the SUV in the driveway before typing out his reply, leaning his back against the counter. 

 

**That’s my name.** He winced almost writing ‘don’t wear it out’ before deciding it was too lame.  **Yeah, all fixed. Couldn’t have done it without you.** He added a peace sign emoji before sending it.

 

**Anytime. See you at school?** Sam had added a dancing man emoji and it was unbearably cute. The reply was almost instant. Sam was somewhere, anywhere, with his rust coloured hair and freckled cheeks, waiting for Grizz’s texts. The thought made his whole face heat up. 

 

Grizz pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to compose himself.

 

**Yeah, see you then**

 

Send. He placed his phone down and tried to bury the warmth rising up the back of his neck and flooding his face. 

 

Grizz didn’t want to overthink it; if he started questioning himself he’d end up spiralling. He’d had enough breakdown’s for one day, so he turned his phone on airplane mode and headed up stairs once the dishes were finished.

 

He stripped off, climbed between his sheets and, with one final glance at his phone, he closed his eyes.


	3. The Chaser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any grammar issues - it's been a huge week and i'm beta-free.

  
  


Grizz wasn’t shocked when his car was missing from the driveway - his father had a habit of waking up in the early hours of the morning and disappearing, reappearing at some point throughout the day for his scheduled fight with mum. Honestly, he had no idea if his father even had a job, or where he got his money from. All he seemed to do was watch football, yell, and disappear for strange periods. But, the bill’s were paid and, really, that was all Grizz needed. By the end of the year he’d be gone anyway.

 

He sighed, adjusting his backpack on his shoulders before tucking his chin into the collar of his jacket and heading along the pavement. 

 

He didn’t mind the occasional walk, he usually took his time getting to school anyway; the thirty minutes of quiet had become necessary for his survival. Once he’d figured out that the topic of his sexuality was out of the question, especially when his football career started promising scholarships and opportunities with universities, he needed that precious half an hour to get into character. He became the football loving, freshman-bullying son his father and friends would be proud of. 

 

He winced, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose; god, he needed this year to be over, and quickly. 

 

“Yo, Grizz!” A voice sounded from behind him, followed by Jason jogging along the pavement.

 

His golden retriever like smile shone over and Grizz felt the twinge of a crush long-buried. He didn’t think about Jason like that anymore, but it was hard to ignore the thirteen year old Grizz who was convinced that he wasn’t gay; that he and Jason were just really close. Loving your best friend was normal,  _right_?

 

He smiled, “Hey dude, would’ve picked you up this morning but Dad’s got the car.” 

 

Jason waved his hand, falling into step beside Grizz, “No stress, after driving it yesterday I’ve realised what a bitch it is” he chuckled, bumping their shoulders, “I didn’t realise you were effectively wrestling an alligator every time you drove me home, that thing has a mind of it’s own.”

 

“Yeah, I never should’ve trusted Mr Lebay when I bought it.” Grizz mumbled, half to himself. Jason’s confused look made him laugh, pushing his hair from his eyes, “You’ve never read ‘Christine’? The Stephen King novel?”

 

“Dude, no.”

 

“It’s about a possessed car, dude. You’re lucky my SUV didn’t eat you.” 

 

They both laughed before falling quiet and they walked side by side, their sneakers were quiet against the pavement. The town centre was only a few blocks over, but the forest that surrounded West Ham absorbed all the noise; the silence was deafening. Grizz loved it, Jason insisted it reminded him of drowning. 

 

“Sorry about yesterday.” Jason hummed, “You know Clark won’t say shit to apologise but, we all are.”

 

Grizz nodded, but he didn’t say anything. It was hard for Jason to talk openly about, well, anything. So he let him take the reigns, even if he did want to tell him to shove it.

 

“We know you’re going through shit at home, and we’ve been leaning on you a bit too much. So...Sorry.” Jason finished before holding out his hand; he wasn’t really a hugger.

 

Grizz shook it.

 

“It’s cool, I should’ve told you earlier rather than just losing my cool.”

 

“Dude yes, next time don’t yell at me please.” Jason’s eyes widened, laughing nervously, “You’re fucking scary when you’re pissed.”

 

“Noted.” Grizz smiled.

 

As they entered campus, the majority of the team were waiting by the main entrance - surely upon Luke’s instruction - and Clark and Shoe gave him stiff smiles before clapping their hands to his shoulders; a true jock apology. Grizz nodded in return before they all piled into the hallway, a wave of letterman jackets and boisterous shouts. Luke slung his arm around Grizz’s shoulder, Grizz winced a little at the contact but appreciated the gesture; boundaries were hard, especially with these guys. He always felt like he had something to hide - like he was guilty. 

 

I mean, he was hiding but, that's not the point.

 

Soon, after a few tosses of the football and a spontaneous drum session on some poor kids locker, they divided and headed to their separate homerooms. He shared homeroom with Luke and Clark and he prayed that they wouldn’t make today weird; Luke was tactful, if a little unsure of himself, but nothing was off limits to Clark. Ever.

 

Grizz swore he saw a flash of burnt red hair pass by their classroom door and his pulse jumped in his ears; he’d almost forgotten that he spent time with Sam the day before. _Almost._ It was hard to separate fantasy from reality when it came to the younger boy; he’d dreamt of speaking to him so many times that, he kept having to glance at his phone to make sure - yes the texts were really there. 

 

“So, how did you get home yesterday?” Clark asked, chewing on the end of his pen. 

 

Grizz shrugged, “Ran part of the way, then i got a lift.” 

 

Clark’s brows pinched together, “From who?” 

 

Grizz shrugged again, “Some guy, i don’t know.” He tried to blow it off and Clark seemed to accept his answer - Luke was too busy mooning over Helena to notice. 

 

Grizz’s eyes drifted back to the doorway, listening to see if, somewhere amongst all the noise, there was a laugh that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. 

 

-

 

The day was long, just like any other day, but Jason cornered him in the lunchroom to proudly present his most recent History assignment and Grizz felt a small buzz of pride in his chest, clapping the boy on the back. It had been a slow road, Jason wasn’t the most gifted academically, but Grizz was glad he could help. Finally, they all stumbled onto the field for afternoon practice and what awaited him stopped him in his tracks,

 

A class was just coming off the field as they entered; half of them were covered in mud and they were all wearing velcro belts around their waists with red or blue tags stuck to them. Tag football; he hadn’t played that in years, not since middle school at least. He smiled, spotting Sam amongst the crowd and they quickly recognised each other. Sam’s eyes locked onto his own and Grizz couldn’t help but smile. 

 

They waved.

 

As they passed each other, a warmth buzzed through his chest and - in a moment of bravery - Grizz reached out and pinched the tag, ripping it away from Sam’s belt, causing the redhead to turn around. 

 

“Hey.” Sam turned, his voice accusing as he tried to grab for it, “What are you doing?” His knees and the elbows of his shirt were dirtied with mud - he’d clearly taken a few falls - but other than that; he looked good. Grizz’s breath stuttered from his lungs at the sight, before ducking his head as pink rose to his cheeks.

 

Thank god it was a chilly today.

 

“I can’t believe we still have all this stuff.” Grizz said, waving the tag back and forth in front of Sam, like you would a kitten, and Sam grinned, lazily trying to grab it back.

 

“Yeah, the substitute thought it would be fun.” Sam admitted, fingers practically dancing as he signed. His fringe was a little damp from sweat and Grizz tried not to notice how  _ good  _ he looked in shorts. Sam seemed to watch the tag as Grizz let it drift back and forth in the air, both of them grinning, anticipating.

 

Sam grabbed for it, Grizz’s hold tightening and the two gripped either end of the tag, Sam giving it a soft tug before sighing, “Come on, give it.” 

 

Grizz pursed his lips, as if considering his options before giving it another experimental tug. Sam stumbled a little before returning the favour and they continued their gentle tug of war.

 

“You’re a child.” Sam laughed, huffing before directing those round blue eyes towards Grizz, instantly he knew he’d lost and when Sam gave it one final tug; He let go. 

 

“Fine.” Grizz conceded, shoving his hands in his pockets and watched as Sam reattached his tag. Once again, Grizz couldn’t draw his attention away from those hands. Sam’s fingers were so long and the backs of them were dotted with small freckles; he smiled at the sight, before the long sleeve of Sam’s shirt lifted and he spotted a purple mark underneath the material. The words stumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Grizz gestured to the boy’s wrist, his brows drawn in concern. Had he fallen over during the lesson or something? He reached out before he could stop himself but, Sam pulled away almost immediately, leaving a burning sensation on the tips of Grizz’s fingertips.

 

What was he doing? He jerked his hand back; you don’t just touch people without their permission. 

 

“Oh,” Sam muttered, tugging at his sleeve, “It’s nothing. I was just walking the neighbours dog and, he was a little too strong for me.” He sighed along, though his smile was softer this time, not quite reaching his eyes. 

 

“Shit, must have been a big dog-”

 

“Grizz! Get over here, what the fuck are you doing?!” Clark yelled from across the field, the majority of the team were waiting by their coach; he hoped they hadn’t been watching him for too long. Shame curled in the pit of his stomach. He turned back to Sam, the redhead's nervous glances towards the team weren’t exactly subtle. It was no secret that Clark and Shoe could be dickheads to the rest of the students. Grizz was ashamed to admit he’d never stepped into to stop it. Seeing the wary look in Sam’s eyes made him consider changing that.

 

“Hey.” Grizz said, trying to get the boys attention, “I’ll see you later?” He asked, a little more hopeful that he probably should be.

 

Sam nodded, but the light behind his eyes had dimmed and Grizz didn’t miss the way he glanced over his shoulder at the team as he made his way inside. 

 

-

“How do you know Sam?” 

 

The locker room was filled with steam from the showers. Most of the team had left straight after practice but Grizz wanted to wash off first - Luke had decided to hang back under the guise of driving Helena home. 

 

“Hmmm?” Grizz mumbled, pulling his out from under the water jets. 

 

Luke flashed him an amused smile, stepping out of the showers to wrap himself in a towel, “How do you know Sam? I’ve never seen you guys speak before…” His comment was casual but Grizz’s heart thudded against his ribcage; he prayed Luke couldn’t hear it and he shoved his head back under the water - trying to come up with an excuse.

 

A half truth is always the best lie.

 

“I uh-” he muttered before turning to face his friend, trying to act as normally as possible but his pulse was loud in his ears, “He drove me home yesterday. He found me walking and offered me a lift.”

 

Luke seemed taken aback, “He can drive?” 

 

Grizz scoffed, flicking water over at the captain, “Yeah dude, he’s not blind.” He let the rest of the hot water wash down over his body, chasing the suds down the drain, before shutting it off and wrapping himself in a towel. “He’s nice.” 

 

Luke nodded, seeming to agree but his face pinched together lightly, the steam seemed to hang heavier in the air as the next words fell out of his mouth; 

 

“You know he’s gay, right?”

 

Grizz paused, hoping Luke wouldn’t noticed the way his jaw tightened and a flash of anger seemed to puppet his body, “Yeah, so? He’s a good dude.”

 

“Yeah I agree, just-” Luke paused, rubbing the corner of his towel over his hair in an attempt to dry it; Grizz was grateful to be free of his gaze. “Maybe don’t let the other guys on the team know? Jason would be fine i think but….” He trailed off.

 

Grizz nodded. “Yeah i know.” He sighed, more to himself than to his company before hurriedly pulling on his clothes and tying his wet hair into a topknot on his head. “It’ll be fine man, don’t stress.”

 

He tossed his wet towel at Luke, who caught it with a grin, but it was impossible to miss the way his face twisted in concern as Grizz practically ran out the door.

-

 

_ ( Message from; Group chat: Grizz-mobile ) 8:02PM _

 

**Jason: Guys!! Party at mine tomorrow! It’s gonna be fuckin HUGE the parents are out of town wootWOOOOOT**

 

**Luke: yeah! I’ll get helena to pass the invites around**

 

**Jason: Fuck yeah get her to bring that cute chick Alice**

 

**Clark: PARTIES ARE FOR THE BOYS FUCK CHICKS MAN**

 

**Jason: You’re bringing Gwen dud e shut the fuck up**

 

**Grizz: Keen for beers**

  
  


_ ( Message from; Sam Eliot ) 10:26PM _

 

**Sam: Hey, are you going to the party at Jason’s tomorrow?**

 

**Grizz: Yeah, you gonna come?**

 

**Sam: I might make an appearance haha**

 

**Sam: I plan to leave before Clark hits his twentieth beer. Last time that happened he tipped cola down the back of my shirt.**

 

**Grizz: Dick.**

 

**Grizz: Well i do owe you a favour - a Clark free night, guaranteed.**

 

**Sam: Deal!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou so much for continuing to read guys! It's been a hectic week, just finished my uni semester so it took a little longer than expected. Hope you enjoyed it and we're gonna get some drunk party scene next chapter, get keen!!!


	4. The Comforter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beta-free and exhausted so sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes! thankyou all so much for reading, it really does mean a lot. Hope you enjoy this chapter, feel free to leave a comment and some kudos - I love hearing that you guys are enjoying my weird ramblings!
> 
> ALSO: ive mentioned it before, i am not deaf nor do i have amazing knowledge about writing deaf characters. Im trying to do research but if i fuck anything up please tell me. Representation is awesome as long as it isnt ableist xx thanks team

So, Grizz might have been a little too drunk considering it was eight thirty. He also  _ might _ have taken close to an hour to pick what he was going to wear, before settling on jeans, t-shirt and a wool-lined denim jacket. He had scoffed at his own reflection; so  _ original. _ His hair was tied into a small bun on the top of his head and Clark commented on it when he arrived; some slurred comment about his looking like a samurai.

 

“I think that’s racist.” Luke murmured, holding a can towards Grizz.

 

“Most definitely.” Grizz agreed, accepting the offerings and hugging Helena, only an hour later he was already warm at the cheeks and his fingers were clumsier than normal.

 

And he  _ definitely _ didn’t keep looking at the front door. 

 

He was a bit of a floater at parties - he didn’t like to sit down for too long, but he hated looming over people, leaning against walls felt too unnatural, and he almost always found himself raiding kitchen for food when he got too restless. Plus, he was a hungry drunk. 

 

There was a recycling bin in the laundry - which Grizz had insisted they bring inside - and tossed his empty can into it, before standing in the door of the fridge. He was tossing up between pasta and grilled cheese (he wasn’t an amazing cook but, those both sounded possible, even if he was drunk). He had finally decided on pasta, when his phone vibrated.

 

He opened it: 

 

_ (Message from; Sam Eliot) 8:41PM _

 

**Campbell incoming, everyone get down.**

 

_ Oh great _ , he huffed and shut the door to the fridge with a groan. Campbell was such a fuckhead - definitely the worse of the two siblings by a large margin. It was only a minute or two before he heard the front door swing open and a familiar “Evening fuckers.” met his ears. 

 

He settled on grabbing another beer. Thank god the house was starting to fill up, he didn’t feel like being obligated to speak to the elder Eliot brother. 

 

The younger; well that was a different story. 

 

Trying to not seem too eager, he wandered back into the main room of the dining room. He spotted Becca Gelb by the front door, looking reasonably comfortable with a drink already in her hand, but her eyes were trained warily on Campbell - who was already busy fucking around with Clark. Following behind her was Sam, and Grizz might as well have dropped out of school then and there;

 

Sam looked like a whole meal,  _ and _ dessert. 

 

“Fuck.” Grizz muttered into his beer. Sam was dressed relatively normally, except he was wearing this black bomber jacket which made his hair and eyes pop and Grizz was tackled with the desire to see it on his bedroom floor. 

 

Sam spotted him mid-sip of his beer, catching him staring and Grizz almost choked, covering his mouth. Sam laughed, his eyes crinkling in the corners, and Grizz prayed that he’d done enough research before the party, before signing across the room. He circled his hand over his chest before gesturing between the two. 

 

_ Good to see you. _

 

Sam beamed, and Grizz’s cheeks flushed before taking another long sip of his beer, reluctantly being pulled into another argument between Jason and Clark. 

 

“But, are you really gonna go to college out of state?” Clark asked, words slurring together as he swayed from side to side. His eyes were locked onto Jason - narrowed and unwavering. 

 

“I dunno dude, there’s a lot of options out there.” Jason shrugged, looking to Grizz for backup; Clark could be a lot when he was drunk. Grizz simply shrugged, offering a sympathetic smile. 

 

There was a reason he hadn’t told the boys about his college plans - he didn’t want this conversation to happen. He didn’t want them to feel like he was abandoning them. It was a fact of life; things change and he was moving away no matter what - apparently Jason was too - highschool was going to end, and Clark would have to accept that. Luke too. 

 

Clark merely grunted, clearly displeased before slinging an arm over Gwen and shifting to sit on the couch beside her. The air between the couple had been tense recently, Grizz knew that something was wrong but had decided not to pry. Clark wasn’t an overly private person by any stretch of the imagination but, Gwen was terrifying when on the defensive - Grizz wanted to avoid that side of her as much as possible. Nonetheless, after a few beers the two of them seemed as in love as ever. It caused the muscles in Grizz’s chest to tighten and he looked away. 

 

Time to float, this side of the party was getting too confusing.

 

His feet began carrying him before a thought even formed in his mind; he found himself standing near Sam, Allie and Becca, the latter looking at him strangely and glancing nervously towards Sam. 

 

“Hey guys.” Grizz spoke into the rim of his beer before taking a sip, nodding to Allie - whom he knew the best. “How’re you going Allie?”

 

“Kickin’ along.” She responded, cradling her red cup between two hands - the three of them had taken drinks from the communal punch; brave choice, he’d seen what went into that bucket.

 

“Be careful with that stuff, god knows what Jason put in it.” He gestured to their drinks, flashing a half smile, hoping his dimples would turn the suspicious frown on Becca’s face into a smile. 

 

He saw it falter and victory rose inside of him, before she signed something to Sam and wandered off - he sent Grizz an apologetic smile before accompanying her. 

 

The following silence felt like a bullet before Allie spoke.

 

“She doesn’t trust letterman’s, even out of your jackets.” Allie assured him, patting his chest in a way that was both comforting and condescending, Allie was like that. “Try not to take it too personally.” 

 

Grizz nodded, but his eyes followed Sam and Becca across the living room, trying to ignore the cut to his chest she had dealt so swiftly. It hurt to be grouped in with the other guys, especially after all that had happened, but he supposed it was to be expected. Becca didn’t know he was gay, and she certainly didn’t know that he was practically swooning over her best friend; he’d made that decision, so he tore his eyes away.

 

“Hey,” Allie spoke, tugging on his sleeve to get his attention, “You okay?”

 

He looked down to her, nodding, but he couldn’t find his words. 

 

She had big blue eyes, just like Sam’s. Maybe it was a family trait? Irises like sapphires. 

 

It was tempting; she was. She was the face of Grizz’s hope that maybe there was a way out for him - a scapegoat. If he gazed into those eyes for long enough, maybe the rest of her would disappear and he’d finally be able to choose an easier path. But her golden hair and pink lips were just that; hair and lips. They didn’t cause the ache in his chest that thrummed as Sam wandered across the room. He offered her a smile and pulled her into a one-armed hug. 

 

She let out a soft ‘oooft’ of surprise before returning the hug, looking up at him with brows drawn. “Grizzy, are you sure everything’s okay?”

 

He gave her a small squeeze before letting go, nodding, “Yeah of course.” He assured her, voice unwavering before he drained his can and, grabbing another from a nearby cooler, began his search for somewhere quiet. 

 

He grabbed a loaf of bread and some peanut butter from the kitchen, before heading upstairs - there was a small balcony off one of the guest bedrooms that he had his heart set on. He dodged a pair of students who were wrapped in each other’s arms on the staircase and managed to avoid the calls from Clark in the lounge room before stepping into the dark room and closing the door behind him. 

 

He breathed, shoving a piece of dry bread into his mouth and chasing it down with a mouthful of beer, before stepping out onto the balcony. 

 

He let his legs dangle through the slats, shoes swaying in the breeze as he plastered another piece of bread with peanut butter. Maybe he’d gotten his hopes up. He just thought that,maybe Sam would want to spend time with him or - maybe he’d get to hang out with some different people for a change. Allie and Cassandra knew who he was; at least partly. He thought that, maybe, Becca and Sam would too. He took a large bite, audibly grumbling as he rested his forehead against the slats. It had only been an hour and he was already sulking, he deserved a medal. 

 

His phone buzzed. It had been buzzing all night - texts from his dad demanding to know where he was, if he could bring home dinner, the usual bullshit. He glanced at it and amongst the notifications from his father’s onslaught, one stood out.

 

_ (Message from; Sam Eliot) 9:12PM _

 

**Hey, where are you?**

 

Grizz smiled around his bite of sandwich, ignoring the adrenaline that immediately buzzed through his veins as he typed out.

 

_ (Message to; Sam Eliot) 9:13PM _

 

**Balcony upstairs, I’m hiding with the peanut butter jar.**

 

He pressed ‘send’ before returning to his tipsy snack. It wasn’t long before he heard footsteps on the stairs and the bedroom door swing open. 

 

“Grizz?” Sam called out softly. Grizz waved from the balcony, trying to grab Sam’s attention and smiling as the redhead mumbled, “Can’t see shit in here….” 

 

Once he’d made it safely across the room and sat beside Grizz, a wave of calm rushed over him. 

 

“How is everyone downstairs?” Grizz asked, turning to face Sam. It was darker out here than Sam probably liked; or at least, Grizz assumed. It had to be harder to read lips right? 

 

Sam didn’t seem to mind though, dangling his legs out beside Grizz’s and shrugging his shoulders. “Okay, i guess. Campbell has a habit of gatecrashing.” 

 

Grizz chuckled, holding out the bread and peanut in a peace offering, “I’ve noticed. I’ll have to tell Jason to keep an eye on his dog….” Grizz’s words tapered off into a mumble, having second thoughts about speaking badly about Sam’s brother in front of him. 

 

Sam bumped their shoulders, brows knitted together cutely before pointing to his lips, “I didn’t catch that.”

 

Grizz shook his head, “Doesn’t matter. I’ve just had one too many run in’s with Campbell. I’m afraid I’m not his biggest fan.” He sighed, flashing Sam a small smile in apology - they were still family after all. If it meant that Campbell followed Sam to every party he came to, it would be worth it.

 

“I get it, believe me.” Sam admitted, pulling his jacket tighter around his torso before setting about making his own sandwich. 

 

Grizz welcomed the silence that settled between them and tore off a piece of bread, popping it in his mouth before mumbling, the liquid courage coursing through his veins allowing the words to slip from his lips. 

 

“You look really fucking cute in that jacket by the way.” He admitted, laughing, knowing full well that Sam couldn’t hear a word he was saying - it was a cowardly move, but in that moment he didn’t care. He let out a long sigh, allowing his head to loll back, “I just need you to know that.” 

 

The breeze stole his whispers. Sam, unaware of Grizz’s confession, finished his sandwich and turned to face him once more. His eyes were expectant, wide and bright in the darkness - Grizz could only smile before reaching out to touch his arm, giving the sleeve of his jacket a gentle tug.

 

“I like this, by the way.” He admitted.  _ Baby steps _ . “You should wear it more often.”

 

A flush bloomed at Sam’s cheeks, Grizz prayed that it wasn’t from the cold.

 

“Thanks.” He muttered. Grizz’s heart could’ve busted through his ribcage.

 

“I like the little bun.” Sam returned, pointing to Grizz’s makeshift hairdo, before bringing his fingers to his own chin and brushing them down into a fist. 

 

Grizz’s eyes locked to his movement, puzzled by his actions.  _ Did he just sign something _ ?

 

“What-”

 

His phone buzzed. It buzzed again; one glance at the screen showed a picture of his Mum as it vibrated on the balcony floor. She was calling him. 

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Aren’t you gonna answer it?” Sam insisted, arching a brow as his eyes stayed trained on Grizz - of course he didn’t know; only the team knew about his parents. 

 

“Uh- yeah. Sorry, give me a second.” He winced, turning his body away from Sam’s as he answered - he didn’t want the redhead to have any idea about what was about to happen. 

 

“Mum?”

 

“Hey baby,” She called from the other end of the phone, “How’s your night going?” The sound of a party - maybe a bar? - was in the background, she had to shout over the noise. The first time she’d called him like this, he had been shocked. They hardly spoke - she was always too catatonic, or high. After the tenth, or the twentieth phone call, he’d stopped getting his hopes up. 

 

His mum wasn’t calling him, the bottle of whiskey was.

 

“It’s going okay Mum, are you having fun?” He asked. His voice was empty of the malice he showed his father, he just felt sad when she was like this. She was sweet and caring and attentive, and everything he’d ever wanted when she was sober, but instead she was probably two hours away in a roadside bar, bathed in beer before remembering to _ call her son _ .

 

“Yeah honey, it’s been a great night.” She laughed, cheering could be heard from the background and he could hear the muffled sound of her voice joining them. Grizz glanced to Sam who was watching him intently, clearly curious; he reached over to lean a hand on the boy’s shoulder, not wanting him to worry. “I miss you baby.” She called down the phone.

Grizz nodded, glad that Sam couldn’t hear how his voice broke, “Yeah...miss you too.”

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow when I get home okay?” The smile in her voice was so clear he could practically see it. 

 

“Yeah, okay.”

 

“Bye baby.”

 

She hung up. 

 

His hand was still on Sam’s shoulder and he let it drop. The corners of his eyes began to sting and he blinked back the threat of tears.

 

He glanced at Sam. The boy's gaze had softened, clearly concerned, and it was almost enough to send Grizz over the edge. Their silence was no longer a comfort, instead it felt suffocating. He felt like the air was thick and hot and it filled his throat, choking him. Fuck, he wasn’t going to cry again, was he?

 

“I have to stop making a habit of this.” Grizz laughed at himself, forcing a smile as he wiped at the corners of his eyes. 

 

Sam returned it with a small smile of his own.

 

“Is she away at the moment?” Sam asked, his voice barely a whisper. 

 

Grizz smiled, but sadness seeped through and he nodded.

 

“Yeah, I just miss her.” He admitted, voice crackling. He cleared his throat, trying to erase the image of his mother smiling from his mind’s eye. He wished he could cut it out - forget it all together, instead a weird, tangled anger settled in his stomach. 

 

Sam nodded, “My parents are away a lot too - Campbell isn’t the best of company.”

 

“I can imagine.” Grizz nodded. Their eyes met and, for a moment, something in Sam’s gaze seemed awfully familiar. A sad resignation, maybe? Or was it pity? For the moment, Grizz was just glad of his company. He reached over, before logical thought could make it’s case, and took Sam’s hand in his own. 

 

Sam froze, confusion clear in his eyes as he looked down at their entwined fingers.

 

Grizz sighed, letting his forehead rest against the slats once more, before bringing his fist to his chest and moving it in a small circle; the only other sign he knew.

 

_ Sorry.  _

 

Sam’s gaze softened. Grizz didn’t know what he was apologising for. Maybe it was for crying, or for hiding? Maybe it was for their fingers woven together, or maybe it was for being an all-around confusing asshole, but Sam seemed to accept it anyway.

 

Sam squeezed his hand, his thumb trailing along the back of Grizz’s knuckles; it was so soft that tears pricked the corners of Grizz’s eyes once more. He dropped his gaze, returning the squeeze before Sam spoke,

 

“It’s okay.”


End file.
